Inspiration
By Tonya Leigh - Certified master life coach. The French Kiss Life
Have you been searching for your life purpose, and no matter how hard you
search, it seems so hard to find? Let me tell you, I’ve been there, sister, and it was
so frustrating. And what I can tell you now is that what you’re looking for isn’t out
there. It reminds me of the quote by Paulo Coelho where says, “The meaning of life is
the meaning you give to your life.” Let’s discuss how you decide your purpose and how you live it out. “You don’t need to know the how. You just need to know the who.” And, you all, when I heard that, I was, like, mind-blown because I think we can get so caught up in how am I going to do this. And I don’t need to figure that out. I need to surround myself with people who are gifted and experts in different areas and trust that the right people are showing up.
I deeply believe that our lives are a masterpiece and there’s so much more to be
created, right? It’s not done, no matter where you are in your life right now. And
you may be going through the most horrendous experience. I want you to realize
there is another brushstroke. You’re just a thought away from shifting your life.
And so I want to be an example of that. I truly want to be an example of what it is
like to French Kiss Life and sharing that journey with you all. And so I hope I
continue to get better. But as I tell my clients, I want to get better from a place of
enoughness, meaning we are enough right now and everything we create is just
the cherry on top.
Let’s talk about finding your life purpose. I want you to notice how you feel when
I say that. I remember a woman telling me many years ago, “You just need to find
your life purpose.” And I remember how frustrated I was. At the time, I was
working 12-hour night shifts. I was overweight. My purpose was just to simply
pay the bills. I couldn’t fathom figuring out my life purpose. But it seemed to me
that so many other people had figured it out. And so then I began to think, well if I could just figure out my big grand life purpose then my life will be complete. I will finally be enough. I will have arrived.
And so I started asking myself, what is my purpose? What is it that I’m supposed
to be doing? And the more I went down that rabbit hole, the more frustrated and miserable I
became because – here’s the thing I’ve noticed – your mind loves to keep you in a
state of confusion, in a state of familiarity, in a state of staying where you are. So
my purpose could have been right in front of my face, and actually it was the
whole time. But my mind was always trying to convince me that that’s not your
purpose, that’s not it, you should try this, you should try that.
And so I was spinning in this just world of confusion and, like, what is wrong with
me? Why can’t I figure out this thing that everybody else seems to have figured
out? And that is when I realized something that really changed me. And it’s this;
my purpose is being a human being. That’s it. There’s your life purpose.
But I promise you, I’m going to give you more than that. But truly, your life
purpose is whatever you decide. I actually looked up the definition of purpose, and here’s what it is; a purpose is the reason for which something is done or created, or for which something exists.
I realized, I got to decide why I existed. I got to decide why I was doing
something. My purpose was simply me being intentional and deciding how I want
to show up in every moment of my life, who I wanted to be. And the beauty of this
is, I could be scrubbing out my toilet or writing this and living out my
purpose. I will tell you all; I didn’t come into this world and at a very young age know that I
wanted to have a company one day. I didn’t know I was going to mentor women.
That was not even in my world at one point. Now, there are people from a very young age, that know they want to be doctors. They know they want to be a lawyer. They know they want to be a writer. But that wasn’t me. And I suspect many of you can relate.
The other day, my daughter asked me, “Mom, how did you find your
purpose.” And I was like, “Babe, I’m still living it. My purpose is just to be a
human being experiencing this thing called life.” But then I started to think about
what has led me to this moment – and this is not my last moment, hopefully, but
to this moment. And it’s this – and this, I think, will be a game-changer for you; I stopped trying to find my purpose and I started to deliberately show up in my life as the woman I
wanted to be. So I practiced being more confident, more loving, more kind. And
by doing that, things did begin to change.
But then there’s another piece of this puzzle that I’ve been able to reverse engineer and realize it’s what led me to this moment. And let’s go back to when I was working as a critical care nurse and I was really working on my beingness. Because at the time, I was working night shifts, I was working in a cardiovascular ICU and so I was like, “Okay, this is my life right now. I’m going to show up in it deliberately. I’m going to decide how I want to feel in my life right now.”
And so what happened, all of that energy that I had used resisting my job,
thinking that I needed to go out there and find my purpose, now it was like
creative energy and I started to think about other things I would love to
experience. And so I decided to go to sommelier school. I didn’t know why, I was just really
interested in the world of wine. And that led me into becoming a food and wine
writer and all of these amazing experiences at food and wine festivals, super,
super fun.
And then I realized, the next step for me was I wanted to go back to school. And so I was just
like, “I want to go back to school and get a liberal arts degree.”
I went back to school, discovered I loved writing, so I started writing. Then I
hired a life coach and I was like, “Ooh, I really love this whole personal
development world,” because I realized I had been unknowingly coaching myself
for a while and women were seeing the changes in me. And I was like, “I’m going
to go and learn how to be a life coach.”
All of those moments in my life were projects. Really think about this. They were
projects that I was curious about. And so I went and did them. And then they led
to the next step. I was not one of those people who knew what the outcome was going to be. I just kept showing up in my purpose, participating in projects that I was excited about.
Even to this day, I don’t know what the ultimate outcome of my life is going to be.
But what I do know is this. And this is exactly what I shared with my daughter;
my purpose is whatever I decide it to be. And my purpose is who I decide to be as
a woman. And I have decided that my purpose is to be a woman who French kisses life. And
what that means for me is living artfully and well by how I think, showing up with
intention, living a life of elegance, embracing my failures, understanding that
that’s just part of the process, and really appreciating and having so much
gratitude for this experience of life and all that it holds; the good and the bad, the
hard and the good times.
And then beyond that, I get to choose projects that I’m curious about.
But it’s a project, right? And I know that, if nothing else, it would have fulfilled my
curiosity and I think a life of following your curiosity is such a well-lived life. And
so I told my daughter, I’m like, “Babe, take the pressure off of yourself to find
some big life purpose outside of you. Decide who you want to be as a human.
What do you want to represent, and then live that out no matter where you are,
no matter if you’re ordering a cup of coffee at Starbucks or you’re sitting with me
watching Netflix? You get to live out your purpose. And that way, it’s with you for
the rest of your life.”
And then above and beyond that, find that next project. And it doesn’t even have
to be something that you’re super passionate about. It may just be a curiosity that
you have or something you’ve just been wanting to do. Maybe your next project is
just cleaning out your closet. Or, let’s say, for example, your curiosity is around
cooking, maybe your next project is to enroll in a cooking class. Maybe your
curiosity is around social justice. It’s something that your heart’s just been
tugging you towards for a while. Maybe your next project is to volunteer for an
organization that you are super aligned with.
But no matter what the project is, know that your true purpose is who you get to
be in that project. Your purpose is who you get to be in every moment of your life.
Your life purpose is something you get to decide. And I think that’s amazing
news, you all. You don’t have to go out there and find it. It’s not hiding out
somewhere. In fact, it’s been within you all along. What do you want your
purpose to be? Do that and then go find those projects that align with your answer.
And again, it may be I’m going to clean out my basement this weekend, or it may
be I’m going to write my book this year. But ultimately, at the end of the day, your
life purpose is whatever you decide it to be. So stop the frantic search of finding
your life purpose and start embodying it instead, and then go find projects. And I
really, really deeply believe that when you do this, you’re going to be at the end of
your life looking backwards and thinking, “Wow, I really, really French kissed my
life.”
