Truly setting ourselves up for “success."
It’s hard to believe that a new year is upon us as time has certainly felt like an illusion the past couple years. More than half of the American population sets a new year’s resolution, but less than ten percent actually follow through. Despite the popularity of this custom, I largely disagree with the making of these resolutions.
A new year’s resolution is a tradition in which a person makes a promise or sets an intention to implement an act of self-improvement. It is attractive to people at the start of a new year because when we look at a clean slate, we feel more capable and driven to achieve. Often people see this time as a chance to reinvent themselves or make a complete overhaul, but this approach tends to not be sustainable. Using goals as a compass rather than as a harsh standard is more effective. Rather than aiming for character changes, perhaps the new year can be an opportunity to consider how fully one is living and if there are choices or changes we can make to get more out of life and to be attuned to our own needs to care for ourselves. The more we understand what is truly important and meaningful to us, the likelier we are to stick with a goal and implement sustainable self-care.
It helps to be intrinsically motivated and values-aligned rather than externally motivated by something that society is saying that you “should” want. For instance, there’s a multi-billion-dollar weight loss industry pushing a message that to be truly happy and valuable, you must look a certain way. If you subscribe to that line of thinking, you are unlikely to enjoy exercise, will struggle eating intuitively, and you may damage your self-esteem in the process. But if you recognize the positive impact on your mood when you move your body and enjoy the value of connection with a friend while on a walk, for example, you will make it part of your routine as it also becomes self-care.
Instead of an overhaul, focus on a few values that you would like to pour more energy into and come up with some ways that will allow you to live more fully into them. Some examples you might find in a values clarification include adventure, creative expression, spirituality, being of service, or family. Consider what barriers keep you from giving attention to your top values and come up with small and specific ways you can work to integrate them differently. These considerations can be made at any point in the year as you recognize it as self-care.
The term “self-care” has been watered down as often happens to buzzwords. We can’t allow that to derail us from the import of it, though. At its simplest, self-care is necessary for maintaining balance and wellness along with preventing burnout and angst. People sometimes think self-care has to look like lavish spa days or outings, but it can also simply be drinking enough water in a day, taking deep breaths, or setting boundaries with someone. I have also really connected with the way my colleague, Sandra Boozer, has reframed it -- as “soul care.” What is it that truly replenishes you from such a deep level that you feel nurtured from the inside out? Can you lean into these practices, along with daily intentional moments, to tend to your mind, body, & soul? I urge you, throughout the new year, to find time to slow down and integrate self-care/soul care that is aligned with your personal values to make this the best year yet.
